Coach | Author | Speaker


20 Signs You're Chasing an Emotionally Unavailable Man - Shannon Kaiser

I was guilty of a few of these...

I was guilty of a few of these...

Learning to recognize the red flags early is part of leading a balanced and healthy love life. If you really want to attract and bring real love into your life, make sure your new potential partner is, too.

Here are 20 signs new love interests might not be emotionally available or might not be into you.

1. When you feel like you have to work for their attention.

2. They don’t make eye contact when they talk to you.

3. They avoid “getting to know you” conversations or don’t ask questions about your life.

4. They ask the same questions over and over (because they didn’t listen the first three times you told them).

5. They dodge or change the subject when you ask about them.

6. You seem to pay for everything.

7. They’re overly defensive and don’t take responsibility for their role in the situation.

8. When you’re left wondering, “Do they like me?” If a person likes you, he or she will find a way to let you know.

9. You haven’t met their friends or family.

10. They seem secretive about telling others when you’re together.

11. You get the sense you’re being used (for money, sex, business ideas, etc.).

12. You have a hard time understanding them or knowing what their motives are.

13. They only want to communicate via text, Facebook, email or chat.

14. You feel confused, lonely or insecure after spending time with them.

15. They always talk about their ex. (No matter how they mention their past, if it’s in the present, it’s likely they haven’t moved on.)

16. They’re noncommittal. (Plans are hard to pin down. If you ask them about the future, they may snap at you.)

17. They don’t flirt with you or find ways to be close to you.

18. They seem to make a lot of empty promises.

19. They say I love you, or ask you to move in or get married on the first or second date. I hate to bust the love at first sight bubble, but sometimes too soon means they are more in love with the idea of you than who you are as a person.

20. Your time together feels superficial – you’re left feeling frustrated or emotionally exhausted after being with them.

This is really the most exhausting list you can find. If, after reading this list, you find that your emotionally shut down partner fits the bill,

you have to make a decision. Either he is blocked from loving you, or loving any other female, is out of the question…

What you don’t want now is the idea of spending a lot of time waiting a miracle, expecting to get water from a stone. At least, ask him to be honest, own his own emotional blockage and find a way of healing it. And move on: there is not enough of your honest interest for him that can restore his emotional connection with himself and with the world…without therapy. Let him go! And move on to people with secure attachment, who can send you love signals without any confusion, withdrawal or empty promises.