Coach | Author | Speaker


Top Ten Ways To Know If He's The One

A search for your soul mate is a search for yourself

A search for your soul mate is a search for yourself

It’s a very popular Google search,  “How do I know if he’s the one?”  The thing about finding the one is when it happens you probably aren’t Google searching for the answer.  You just know.  The bottom line is you can’t find the one until you’ve found yourself.  When you are living your most attractive life it’s going to put you in a place to attract the love you’re looking for .  The vast majority of the time people think finding the one is about the other person.  The reality is it’s always an inside job.  You need to be living a life that makes you so happy that nothing is missing.  At that point a relationship isn’t a need.  It’s icing on the cake.

However, knowing what the one looks like can help you know if you the one you’re dating isn’t him.  Below are ten qualities the one should have.

1. The One doesn’t leave you guessing.

The One might surprise you, in a good way, but he don’t leave you guessing about the things that matter.  You know how he feels about you.  You know he’s going to show up when he says he will.  You know he’s going man up when you need him to.  The One doesn’t ever leave you feeling unbalanced or uncertain.

2. The One makes it easy to be in love and more importantly stay in love.  

Love is not a battlefield.  Love is not suppose to hurt.  The One makes being in love feel like the easiest thing in the world.  It’s not a struggle.  It’s a given and it just keeps giving.

3. The One makes you want to be a better version of yourself and empowers you to grow.

The One inspires you, but more importantly the he encourages you to pursue your dreams.  He’s willing to put his goals aside from time to time to make your dreams a priority.  He’s willing to sacrifice to help you get what’s important to you.

4. The One sees who you are and doesn’t want to change you.

When you are with The One you can be completely raw, vulnerable, and transparent while still feeling seen, loved, and appreciated.  He doesn’t make you feel like a project.  You never question whether or not you’re good enough.  The One celebrates who you are right now.

5. The One makes you feel like you have all the time in the world.  There is no sense of urgency because the certainty is so high.  

You don’t feel a red hot need to move in together or get married.  You have a strong sense of certainty that you will be together so there isn’t any pressure.  The One isn’t afraid to commit and doesn’t leave you wondering about the future.  The One isn’t rushing you, but he also isn’t dragging his feet.  The timing feels natural.

6. The One has 1 personality.

The One is wonderful when you’re alone.  He’s wonderful with your family.  He’s wonderful with your friends.  You don’t have to worry about what happens if he drinks.  You don’t have to wonder what will happen if he gets mad.  There is one version of this man.  You get what you see all the time.

7. The One makes you a priority and shows you every day.

It’s not lip service with this man.  He says you are a priority and he shows it.  He spends time with you.  He gives you his attention.  He makes room for you in his space, schedule, and life.  He’s generous with his time, money, and energy.

8. The One shows up and sticks around when it’s hard.

The One stands next to you when you’re grieving.  He shows up when the car is broken down.  He doesn’t run for the hills when you’re PMSing.  The One isn’t afraid of the ugly cry. He doesn’t try to rescue you, but he does hold your hand and hold you up.

9. The One values family.

It doesn’t matter if you’re planning to have kids or not.  Everyone has family.  Family might include friends.  It might include pets.  It’s might include your difficult Aunt.  Whatever family means to you, The One values family the way you do and is willing to build a life around them.

10. The one gives treats you like a prize but never a possession.

He treats you like a Queen, but you never feel smothered by him. You are never uncomfortable with his jealousy.  You don’t have change who you are or how you related to people to make him comfortable.  The One loves your attention, but he never demands it.

The bottom line is when you find The One it’s less about who he is than it is about who you are when you’re with him.  Who he turns out to be might surprise you.  Who you become in relationship with him is the very best most joyful version of yourself.

Lisa Hayes